


Amor Vincit Omnia

by Redmaximoff



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awesome Natasha Romanov, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Hurt Wanda Maximoff, I can't summarise for shit, Jewish Wanda Maximoff, Let them have more screentime together Marvel PLEASE, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Protective Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff Needs a Hug, i love these two so much, you can prise SpiderMom out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redmaximoff/pseuds/Redmaximoff
Summary: After the events of Age of Ultron, Wanda Maximoff is alone. Her efforts to move on and fit in lead to some unhealthy coping mechanisms.Natasha Romanoff is also left shaken by the recent events, but everything changes when she sees the new kid struggling and decides to step in...
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 72
Kudos: 183





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Welcome to my new story. I have seen some AMAZING fics about Nat and Wanda, so I wanted to write my own :) I hope you enjoy! Any and all comments, suggestions or criticisms are welcome :D

Chapter One:

_ The streets of Novi Grad have never been so clean. This is the first thing that gives her the feeling that something isn’t right. The next thing, that should really be more obvious, is the oppressive silence that muffles everything like a blanket.  _

_ Usually, the city is bustling, and even at night the streets are alive, with drunk soldiers laughing and stumbling down the street, or stray dogs and children, wandering around, searching for somewhere semi-warm to lay down.  _

_ She takes a hesitant step forward, unsure of where to go next. Suddenly, there is a flash of silver in the corner of her eye, too fast for her to make out.  _

_ She begins to walk in the direction of the silver flash, the streets familiar but not comforting. Her breath hitches as she turns onto a side street.  _

_ In front of her, an apartment building stands, it’s colours a dull grey and black, run-down and ugly, but the sight of it brings tears to her eyes. She breaks into a run, throwing open the door and running up the stairway two at a time. She allows a smile to grace her lips, daring to hope.  _

_ Her smile disappears as she reaches a door and a chill goes down her back. She tentatively opens it and peered inside. The figures sit, hunched over a table, their backs to her. She gasps.  _

_ “Mama, Papa, Piet-” the three figures swing round to face her simultaneously. They all had glowing red eyes and a furious expression. She backs away. The door slams shut. Her family stand up. Her brother is covered in bullet holes, the blood still pouring out. Her mother is missing an arm and a chunk of her torso, and half of her father’s face is gone.  _

_ She screams and turns to run, when the apartment building is hit by a blast. Everything shakes and she flies back, falling and the floor crumbles. Pain flares through her. Her family are peering over from the floor above, looking at her, stuck in the wreckage, an almost curious look on their pale and gaunt faces.  _

_ She screams for help, tears running down her cheeks, as fire begins to engulf her. Her family watch her passively as she burns.  _

***

I wake up with a start, my heart pounding and struggling to breathe. I sit up, hunched over, grabbing my chest as I try to calm down and get enough air into my lungs. 

When I am able to move again, I check the time on my alarm clock. The blinking blue numbers inform me that it is 4:26AM. I sigh. No use going back to sleep now. 

I quickly change into workout gear and slide on my trainers, wanting to get outside as soon as possible. I tiptoe down the corridor, not wanting anyone to hear me leave. Hopefully I hadn’t made too much noise in my sleep. 

I breathe a small sigh of relief as I step out of the door and into the crisp November air. It is cold outside, not nearly as cold as Sokovia but enough that I can exercise comfortably without getting too hot. 

I start to jog, entering the woods that lie behind the compound. I think of my latest nightmare. One of the most vivid, but not the worst by a long shot. At least in this one, it was only me dying. I would rather have that nightmare a thousand times over than have to watch my parents die again, or Pietro, or even Alina, one of my best friends who had died during the experiments. 

I feel myself start to flag after only five minutes or running, an embarrassingly short time. I push through it, forcing myself to carry on. I am so weak, I can’t even get past the basics in training without my powers. I need to get fit quickly if I want to be an Avenger as soon as possible. And I need this more than anything else, to do something productive, something good for once. 

No one knows about my early morning runs, and I plan to keep it that way. I don’t want anyone to know how much effort it is taking me to get my body out of its malnourished, borderline skeletal state. 

After another five minutes, I feel my chest tighten and a stabbing pain on my life side. I am forced to stop, gasping for breath for the second time in thirty minutes. I feel tears of frustration prick the back of my eyes, and I blink them back furiously. I could only manage a ten minute run. Pathetic. 

I sit down, leaning my back against a tree and resting my head. My eyelids droop. Maybe getting up at this hour wasn’t such a great idea after all.

I am just about to drift off before I hear the sound of footsteps approaching. I freeze, looking for somewhere to hide. There is a vast expanse of trees in every direction, but nothing I can hide behind. I jump up, letting my hands glow red as I get ready for a fight. 

A figure rounds the corner. It is Natasha, clearly out for a run. I relax slightly, letting my hands drop. Her facial expression doesn’t change as she sees me, but she slows down to a walk. 

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“Running,” I reply. I wince. No shit. I really hope I didn’t come off as sarcastic, firstly because I didn’t mean to and secondly because she would probably kick my ass if I disrespected her. 

Her lips quirk up slightly. I’ll live to see another day, then. “I meant, what are you doing up so early?” 

“Couldn’t sleep,” I reply briefly. She really doesn’t need to know about my nightmares, but I would be surprised if she doesn’t know about them. Her room is only down the hall from me, and something tells me I’m not the quietest of sleepers. 

Natasha surprises me by saying, “Run with me.” While she’s always been polite to me, she still seems wary of me. I don’t blame her- frankly, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be around me after what I did. Still, I appreciate the offer. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up, but thank you.” I say, falling into place beside her.

“I don’t mind,” she says, “I’m not trying to break any records.” 

We run in silence for a few minutes, following the loop of the path leading backout of the woods. After another five minutes, my lungs are burning again. I try to force myself to keep the pace. Bad enough to have to stop, but definitely not in front of the Black Widow herself. 

Suddenly, she slows to a brisk walk. I feel like crying in relief, trying to discreetly get my breathing back to a normal level. 

“I think I will go back to the... “ I pause, trying to remember what the Avengers call the building we live and train in, seeing it ahead of us. 

“Compound?” She suggests, gentler than I would have expected of her. 

“To the Compound, yes.” I try not to cringe at how thick my accent is. I had thought my English was pretty good, especially as Pietro and I had to pick up bits and pieces from Hydra and an English phrase book we had managed to steal three years ago. But being surrounded by the language constantly is overwhelming. 

“OK, I’m going to go for another few laps.” She gives me a quick, tight smile and breaks into a run, twice the speed we had been running at before. 

***

The man with wings- Sam, he asked me to call him, is already in the kitchen as I trudge in, still in my workout gear. 

“Hi, Maxi,” he says when he sees me. I find myself grinning at the stupid nickname. It makes me feel warm inside. Unlike the other Avengers, Sam and I were introduced on friendly terms. Ever since, he has treated me with an easy friendliness, almost like a big brother. 

“Hello, Sam.” I reply, before I can think any more about the topic of brothers. He is standing over the stove, and something is sizzling in the pan. 

“Do you want some bacon?” he asks. 

“Oh, no, thank you,” I say, flashing my Star of David necklace at him before tucking it back under my shirt. 

“No problem, I’m making eggs too,” he replies easily. 

“Thank you, that is- that would be good.” I smile at him. 

I am just finishing my eggs, laughing at some story of Sam’s when Steve strides in, in full gear. It can only mean one thing- he’s going on on a mission. Nice, I can go back to sleep, hopefully not plagued by nightmares. He greets Sam then addresses me. 

“Wanda, I have to go. I won’t be able to train with you today, but Nat will take you for combat.” With that, he leaves. Oh. My first session alone with the most formidable member on the team, and it’s combat. Great. It couldn’t have been espionage or strategy, or something that wouldn’t end with me frequently flat on my back. 

My apprehension must show on my face, as Sam looks over at me and starts to laugh. “You’ll be fine, Maxi. Nat’s not as scary as she looks.” I raise an eyebrow. “OK, she is, but she’ll know your limits and when to stop.” 

***

Natasha is waiting for me as I enter the gym. She is sitting on one of the benches, twirling a knife idly between her fingers. Her posture is relaxed. She gets up when she sees me, while I hover awkwardly at the door. 

She waves me over to the mat. “I just want to see how much you’ve learned from Steve, for now.” She gets into a fighting stance as I mirror her. 

She lunges towards me and I jump out of the way. I have apparently fallen right into her trap, as, fast enough that I barely know what happened, she sweeps her leg and flips me over. I land on the mat with a thud. Not a good start. I feel my cheeks flush as I realise that I have embarrassed myself in front of Natasha for the second time today.

I huff out a breath then pull myself back up. I manage to hold my own for a little longer than last time, but it still doesn’t take long before I am staring at the ceiling again. This, I have to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before jumping back up. I really shouldn’t have gone for a run this morning. 

“You’re leaving yourself unprotected. Pull your hands closer together and up a little.” Natasha demonstrates, and I do as she says. 

We go again. Same outcome. I can feel my movements becoming sluggish, tiredness clouding my thoughts. Natasha frowns as I try to get in a punch, my movements uncoordinated, and I stumble. She grabs my arms and pulls me up in one fluid motion, graceful as ever. 

“Thank you,” I mumble. She doesn’t let go. I tense up a little, bracing myself for a reprimand. 

“Maybe we should just leave it for today,” She suggests, “From what Steve’s told me, you’re can do better than this.” I pull my arm back, shaking my head. 

“No, it’s OK, I’m fine,” She doesn’t look convinced. If I’m being honest with myself, I want nothing more than to bury myself under the covers and escape from the world. But I can’t let Natasha know that. I can’t afford to be weak. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Maximoff.” I can’t figure out the expression on her face. From anyone else, I would say it looks almost like concern, but why would the Black Widow be concerned about me? It’s a question of whether I’m capable of being on the team or not. 

“I have to keep going,” I am horrified to feel tears prick my eyes. No, not now. 

“Maximoff, it’s fine to take a break and rest if you need to.” 

“No,” I am shaking my head and moving back on to the mat. “I can’t.” 

Natasha doesn’t move a muscle, standing with her arms crossed. “It’s not going to work, you know.”

“What?”

“Distracting yourself. Working yourself to exhaustion isn’t going to help you. Believe me, I know. You need to let yourself grieve.” 

“Grieve?” I say hesitantly. I don’t know this word in English. Natasha repeats the word in Russian, and I instantly feel myself close up. I hate that she has so quickly figured out what is going on. I don’t want to grieve. I want to forget everything and do something good for once. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” I say in Russian,my voice sounding slightly hysterical. The tears that I have been desperately holding in for three weeks finally begin to fall. Natasha remains silent. “I have to keep going.” 

“If you keep going, you’ll crash. You need to give yourself time, you’re exhausted.” My fear turns to anger. 

“Leave me alone!” I shout, like a petulant child, and run from the gym. I fly up the stairs, throwing the door to my room open and letting the door slam behind me. I jump into my bed and pull the covers over my body. I curl up into the foetal position. 

The emotions that I have been repressing since I have arrived at the Compound begin to overwhelm me. I cry in earnest. Now the floodgates have opened, I can’t stop. The glass on my nightstand shatters. I burrow further into the covers. Natasha hated me already, for what I did, and I have now most probably burned any bridges that remained. 

One shattered mirror later, I have calmed down somewhat, but I feel like my chest has cracked open and all of my energy has drained away. I may as well get some sleep. 

My eyes are closing when I hear a knock at the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here's the second chapter- hope you enjoy :) There are going to be SO MANY Avatar references in this, so be prepared lol. Again, all comments are welcomed :D

“Come in,” I shout, trying to pull myself together enough so as not to look like I have completely lost it. 

Natasha walks in and stands at the door. I resist the urge to sigh. Great. Not the conversation I want to have right now. I sit up, pulling the covers off of me. 

“I’m sorry, Natasha. That was-” I hesitate, my mind searching frantically for the word, when some act of Providence makes it appear in my head. “-unprofessional. It will not happen again.” Natasha gives another one of her half-smiles, but apart from that I can’t glean anything from her expression. 

“Appreciated, but that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to see if you were OK.” I am taken aback slightly. I would have expected this from Clint, Sam or even Steve, but never from Natasha. I look into her eyes and see something that I would not have expected from her- kindness. I realise that I may have to revise how I view the Black Widow. 

“Oh, yes, I am fine,” I say unconvincingly. 

“We both know that’s not true. Now why don’t you tell me how you’re really feeling.” She says in Russian. I almost tear up at hearing a language so close to Sokovian for the first time in weeks. 

“I feel terrible about what I did- what I almost caused. It felt too good to be true, the Avengers taking me in when you could have just left me there, or handed me over to the authorities. I don’t deserve this. You should hate me. And I can’t do anything right. I’m too weak!” Everything pours out at once, everything I have wanted to say but couldn’t. I tell her everything, about the early morning runs, about struggling with training, even a little about my nightmares. 

Immediately I regret it. Why did I have to say that? They have all been so kind to me, why do I have to whine? I should just get on with learning to be an Avenger. 

Natasha’s face remains impassive but not unkind. There is silence for a long ten seconds before she finally speaks. 

“First of all, you’re benched from training with the Avengers,” she says. I jump up in horror. 

“What?! No that’s not what I meant! Please, forget I said anything. I’m fine, I-” I stop when Natasha raises her hand to signal me to stop. 

“I will be your personal trainer.” This stuns me into silence. “I will help you sort out your sleep schedule, and get you to a healthy weight. You can’t continue to neglect yourself to train harder. You will become an Avenger when you’re ready, not before.”

I start to protest, but she continues, “I know you feel like you need to do this now, and I know you feel guilty. But this isn’t the way to go about it. For what it’s worth, no one on the team is going to hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges here.” 

I feel like crying again, but my tears have run dry at this point. Instead, I look Natasha directly in her eyes. 

“Thank you.” I say in English. 

“You’re welcome. Oh, and another thing? We are going to work on your English. It’s not bad, but it needs to be better if you want to understand everything, especially in time sensitive missions or working undercover.” 

“Great,” I mutter under my breath, immediately feeling ungrateful. I risk a glance at her, hoping that she hadn’t heard me. Her narrowed eyes tell me that she most definitely heard me. 

“Was that sarcasm, Maximoff?” she asks. 

“Uh, yes?” 

“Good. Make sure you use it as often as you can around Barton. He’ll love it, I promise. Take a shower and meet me in the kitchen in ten.” With that, she is gone. 

I sit in silence for a few seconds, thinking over our conversation. I am surprised when all I feel is relief that I don’t have to exhaust myself training. In fact I feel like a great weight has been taken off of my shoulders. I smile to myself a little, then head into the bathroom. 

***

Natasha is waiting for me when I walk into the kitchen ten minutes later, dressed in legging and a red fluffy jumper. I have no idea how it ended up in my closet, but it has quickly become one of my favourite items of clothing. 

Sam and Clint are also in the kitchen, loudly arguing over something. They all have a bowl of something in front of them. 

Natasha pushes a bowl of something over to me as I sit down at the table. I look down at a green substance. 

“It’s pesto pasta,” Natasha explains when she sees me prod it tentatively, “Try it.” I do, hesitatingly at first, then I dig in. I try to follow along with Sam and Clint’s argument. 

“I can’t believe you think Korra is a better Avatar than Aang!” Sam is saying, banging his hand on the table for emphasis. 

“Because it’s true!” Clint shoots back, with equal vigour. A very heated and long-winded discussion follows, while I try unsuccessfully to figure out what on Earth is going on. 

“What are they talking about?” I finally whisper to Natasha sitting next to me, who smirks. 

“About a TV show called Avatar- I’ll show it to you. Anyway, they’re both wrong; Kyoshi is by far the best Avatar.” This shuts up the men, who stare at us.

“You think Kyoshi is the best Avatar?!” Sam says. 

“You haven’t seen Avatar?!” Clint exclaims, at the same time. 

“I thought you would maybe prefer the Hunger Games, no?” I say. Sam and Clint look at me in shock. This is the most they have most probably heard me speak in the past few weeks, let alone joke. Natasha snorts.

“She’s got you there, Katniss.” She teases. “But he’s right, I think you’d like it.” 

“I’ll get Netflix up on the TV,” Sam says, who has finished eating. 

“I’ll get popcorn!” Clint volunteers. “We’ll let you decide who you think the best Avatar is.” 

“But if it’s Roku, we will unfortunately have to disown you,” Sam adds, before heading out the door. Clint follows. 

I look down, trying to hide my smile in front of Natasha. 

“I don’t think those are the actions of people who hate you, do you?” she asks gently. I shake my head mutely. She put a hand on my shoulder, the most amount of physical contact she has ever had with me outside of combat. “And, just so you know, I could never hate you. You were angry and confused. Yes, you made some bad choices, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You can learn from your mistakes.” 

She squeezes my shoulder, then stands up. “Come on,” she says briskly, “we shouldn’t keep them waiting, or they’ll come in and drag us.”

“I don’t think they would dare to drag you anywhere.” I point out. Natasha laughs. 

“You’re right, Maximoff- they wouldn’t. But let’s not keep them waiting. Prepare to have your mind blown.” She says cryptically, disappearing into the next room.

I take a deep breath, then follow her, feeling better than I have felt for weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :D this chapter is all over the place, but I promise there’s a point to it! I hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 3:

The rope chafes my hand as I grip for dear life. Despite the mat below, I can tell that falling from this height would not be fun. I can feel beads of sweat beginning to form on my forehead, and eyes watching intensely from below.

Just a little further. I pull myself up, ignoring my screaming muscles. A bell hangs just over my head. Slowly, I take my right hand off the rope, and, while my left arm shakes in protest, I reach up and hit the bell.

Finally. I slowly make my way down the rope, letting myself drop the last few metres. Natasha is waiting by the mat, a stopwatch in hand.

“That was the best time yet,” she says, turning the stopwatch so I can see the numbers. I can’t help grinning in triumph.

“Great! So if a rope stands between me and saving the world, I’ll be unstoppable!” I say in Russian.

“You never know when you’ll need these skills- everything is important.” She replies in English, but I can tell that she’s amused- just slightly.

“They will have no chance when I can use my powers,” I say pointedly.

“Won’t stand a chance,” Natasha corrects automatically. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I know that it is important that I learn English, but Natasha is merciless. Every moment she isn’t teaching me about espionage, or working through the fitness schedule she has made for me, she will make me talk about a topic in English.

At first, it seemed like torture. I am not talkative at the best of times, but with people I barely know- it was unbearable. I stumbled through my words for the first few days, not knowing what to say, but over the past week I must admit that talking to the other Avengers has become easier.

The past month has followed roughly the same schedule- fitness and combat training in the morning, espionage training in the afternoon, and spending time with the team in the evenings. The only change to the schedule was whenever Natasha was called away for a mission.

Natasha walks with me from the gym to the living area. She casually brings up Avatar, which I am almost halfway through now. I know that it’s a thinly veiled tactic to get me to talk, but I fall for it anyway.

“Well, I realise yesterday- sorry, realised- that my powers are very similar to waterbending. Maybe if I practise, I can do it? Move water with my powers?”

Natasha listens to my rambling patiently. Finally, as I am pondering whether using my powers to fly or to soften my fall would _really_ count as airbending, she interrupts.

“About that,” she hesitates, unusual for her, “I was thinking, if you want, we can start incorporating your powers into your training, see if we can figure how to control them.”

I stop dead in the middle of the lawn, staring at Natasha. “Of course, only if you feel you’re ready, we don’t have to-”

“Yes!” I say, before she can continue. She laughs slightly at my enthusiasm. I have the urge to hug her, but I know that she really wouldn’t appreciate it. She’s not big on physical contact. Still, I’m starting to really enjoy her company, even shadowing her a little around the other Avengers. If Pietro were here, I know he would laugh at me following the Black Widow around, the most intimidating of all the Avengers.

“Good.” She nods for emphasis. “We start tomorrow. But before we start, you need to tell us what your powers can actually do.”

“Oh, well, I can move things with my mind.”

“Yes, we gathered that. I was hoping you could give me something a little more specific. We also need to know how you can manipulate minds.”

I tense as I feel the mood of the conversation shift to something much more delicate. No one has really talked about what I did to them, but I know that what I made them see still affects them- especially Natasha. I only saw bits and pieces of the visions I gave them, but Natasha’s vision was much more vivid than the others.

I feel guilt and shame rise up in me for the 1000th time. I know I can never take it back, and no matter what Natasha said, I know she is wary about letting me use my powers again. But the only thing I can do now is move forward and use my powers to help., so I brace myself for a difficult conversation.

“I don’t really know much about how it works. I can make people see things and I can,” I gulp, “Uh, sometimes I can make people do what I want. I can’t do it for more than maybe, a minute? I’m not sure.”

Natasha is silent for a few deafening seconds. “Maybe I shouldn’t use my powers yet, I can wait longer if you-”

“No. No, it’s fine.” Natasha finally says, but I can see that it took effort to get the words out. “We should start with physical powers first OK? No going into anyone’s minds or controlling them.”

“Yes, yes of course,” I say quickly, trying not to feel hurt that she thinks I would do that to anyone on the team. _But you already did,_ whispers an unwelcome voice in my head.

***

_I am back in South Africa. Pietro and I have two orders: help Ultron get the Vibranium, and take out the Avengers._

_So far things are going well. The Avengers apparently have no idea what to do about Pietro and I. The paralysing fear I felt at seeing Stark again melts away as I easily overpower them. In fact, I am starting to enjoy myself, when I see Pietro fall from the floor above, slamming into a stack of crates._

“Stay down, kid” _I hear the annoying blond man with the shield say to him. I am about to run over to check on my brother, when I hear a voice next to me._

_“_ It’s time for some mind games. _” With pleasure. I begin with the muscled blond guy- the other one. With the long hair. I see vague images of people dancing. I melt away into the shadows._

_I work my way around, not really sure what I’m doing, but it seems to be working. I spy the woman with the red hair- the Black Widow. I am sneaking up on her when I feel a cold feeling run down my spine. I pause, and she turns to look at me, a look of fear in her eyes. It takes me aback._

_I suddenly realise that I don’t want to attack this woman. She raises a weapon, a baton which glows blue with electricity._

_A memory assaults me out of nowhere, a hand on my shoulder, followed by the memory of a small smile at something I have said, her hands as they gently manoeuvre me into a better fighting stance._

_I pull back in confusion, not knowing where the memorimages are coming from. I need to go. To my horror, my powers start to move out of my control, the tendrils snaking towards the red-haired woman- Natasha, her name is Natasha, I suddenly remember._

_No. I don’t want to hurt her again. Tears pool in my eyes as I try to pull back my powers into myself in vain. Natasha is now completely frozen, her eyes red._

_Images begin to flood my mind. Suddenly I am watching a group of ballet dancers perform. I am fighting a man with perfect technique. I am killing a man with no emotion, no remorse. I am getting ready for some kind of ceremony…_

_No. I force myself out of Natasha’s vision. This isn’t real._ Neither is this, _I realise._ This is a dream. I am in control here.

_I try to pull the red swirling round me back under my control. Nothing works. Panic rises in my chest. Am I trapped here? I thought I would be able to control the dream._

I need to get out of here, _I think to myself. My powers are straining against me struggling to get out. Against my better judgement, I close my eyes and let it take over._

***

I am standing in a clearing, completely surrounded by trees. A pond lies in the middle of the clearing, the sunlight dancing across the water. A vast array of flowers cover the area.

It is beautiful. I take in a deep breath, the sweet scent of the flowers hitting me.

Something feels different. It takes two walks around the perimeter of the clearing to realise what it is. Everything feels so… real. My nightmares, vivid as they are, never feel fully like reality.

Now, however, I can feel the sun warming my back, smell the flowers beneath me, hear the birds singing. This feels more real than, well, real life.

I sit down next to the lake. The grass is soft and comfortable. I lie back, basking in the sun as it warms my face. I can’t remember the last time I have felt so at peace.

Soon the warmth makes me feel sleepy, which, I think hazily, is strange considering I am actually asleep. On second thought, I am so comfortable that I don’t care at all. I slip easily into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! As always, all comments are appreciated :)

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Something is pulling me out of sleep. I groan, putting my head further into my pillow. The alarm persists. I keep my eyes closed until I can’t bear the beeping of my alarm clock. 

It is 7:30. I have to double check the time several times before I register the fact that I have slept the entire night. I actually feel well-rested. Huh. The trick with my powers actually worked then. My heart leaps in excitement as I consider the possibilities of having uninterrupted sleep every night. No more nightmares, no more waking up exhausted. 

I am so caught up in my excitement that I have forgotten the plan for today- to start using my powers in combat. My smile dissolves as nerves take over. So much could go wrong today. 

Carefully, I hold my hand out in front of me and let some of the red out. It dances around my fingers lightly, almost like a flame. I direct it to the empty glass on my nightstand and try to direct it around the glass. I have never done something so delicate before.

The red swirls around the glass. I concentrate on lifting it, and it hovers slightly. That wasn’t so hard.

A knock on the door shatters both my concentration and the glass. 

“Maximoff, is everything OK?” It’s Natasha. 

“Uhh, yeah, everything’s fine!” I shout back, scrambling to clean up the broken glass. 

“Meet me in half an hour in the gym, OK?” She says, and I hear her footsteps as she retreats. I quickly get dressed and head into the kitchen to grab something quick to eat.

“Bozhe moi,” I say as I enter. The kitchen is completely decked out in Christmas decorations. I had hoped that I would be able to skip it this year, but apparently not. I had managed to wriggle out of spending Thanksgiving with the team, having never celebrated it nor having the desire to without Pietro. Same for Hanukkah. Looks like I might not be able to avoid this, though. 

“Do you like it?” Sam walks in, Vision behind him. I scrunch up my nose, making my displeasure obvious. 

“It looks like a bomb has gone off,” I say, putting bread into the toaster. 

Sam laughs. “You’ll warm up to it, I’m sure. Be prepared to watch every crappy Christmas movie in existence.” 

“I can’t wait.” I deadpan. 

Sam goes over to the fridge and takes out a water bottle. “I heard you’re starting to train with your powers today.” 

“Yes.” I wonder where the conversation is going, but Sam doesn’t seem bothered. 

“Good luck, Maxi. I can’t wait for you to start kicking all our asses in training.” He winks at me, then goes into the living room, leaving me alone with Vision. 

I feel a little awkward, having not spent much time alone with Vision before. I still haven’t thanked him properly for saving my life back in Sokovia, but I wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind. 

The toast pops, and I thankfully take it out of the toaster and begin buttering it. I see Vision frowning slightly, as if he is confused. I sit down to eat my toast. 

After about ten seconds, Vision speaks. “Miss Maximoff?” 

“Hmph?” I reply, my mouth full of toast. 

“Why did Mr. Wilson call you that?”

“Call me what?” 

“Maxi. That is not your name.”

“Oh, it’s a nickname.” Vision still looks confused. “Friends sometimes call each other names that are shortened or even something that is completely different to their name.Like, if I call you-” I think for a second, “-Vizh. That would be a good nickname for you.” 

“So it is used to show affection.” I nod. He smiles. “I like this name.” 

I shove the last of the toast and get up to leave. “I have to go now, but you know you can call me Wanda, right?” 

Vision nods. “Very well, Wanda.”

“See you later, Vizh.” 

***

For the first time ever, I arrive at the gym before Natasha. I check the time on my phone. Ten minutes early. 

I try to wait patiently, tapping my foot and trying not to get antsy. It doesn’t work, so I take out my phone and start scrolling through my phone. Eventually she strolls in, right on time. I jump up when I see her. 

“You’re eager,” she says, her eyebrows raised, but she seems to be in a good mood. “We’ll warm up and go from there.” 

Twenty minutes later, Natasha looks refreshed and ready to exercise and I look like I’ve just run a marathon. I head over the bench to get some water, attempting to get my breathing under control with letting Natasha see that I am already out of breath. I have the strong feeling that it doesn’t work. 

Natasha goes back to the mat. “OK, now we can start sparring now. You can start to incorporate your powers.” She looks at me expectantly. 

I don’t move. “Maybe we should wait a little longer, I don’t know if I should-”

“Maximoff, get on the mat.” I huff and get onto the mat. In truth, I am excited at the chance to finally hold my own in a fight. As always, Natasha waits for me to make the first move, I lunge forward, aiming for her ribs. Faster than I can register, she pivots on her foot and has me down in seconds. 

We get up again, and I go in again, this time with a right hook. She blocks it easily and goes to sweep my legs out from under me. This time, I let a little red out, wrapping it around her leg, holding it in place. I push back as gently as I can, and she stumbles back slightly. 

Again. I stop Natasha before she can overpower me and push her away with very little force. Again. This time, she goes in on the attack. I jump back a little, surprised. My arms cross in front of me and instinctively send up a kind of forcefield. I let it down before Natasha can slam into it, and take another step back. 

When I look up, I am surprised to see Natasha glaring at me. 

“Maximoff, what are you doing?” 

“Fighting?” I reply, confused as to where this is going.

“You call that fighting? You’re going easy on me!” 

“No, I’m not.” I lie. Of course, she isn’t fooled. 

“Don’t insult my intelligence. I saw you take out five Ultron bots at a time- you really thought I wouldn’t notice you pretending to fight me?”

I flush. You went easy on me for weeks!”

“You were a beginner- and you were so unfit and malnourished you could barely get through a workout. I am a trained fighter; I think I’ll be fine.” 

I am unconvinced. “I don’t know how much damage I can really do.” 

Natasha softens slightly. “You’ll never know unless you find out. I’m tougher than I look, I promise.” 

I stare at her incredulously. “You think I don’t know that? I think I realised on day one of getting flipped on my back over and over again.”

Natasha smirks. “It must be nice to finally stand a chance, huh?” she teases. I respond by getting into a fighting stance, letting my red swirl around my hand. She grins and matches my position. I go in for the first punch, and our first real fight begins. 

***

We practise for two hours. This time, we both finished exhausted and sweaty, but I feel reinvigorated. After figuring out how my powers work a little better, Natasha quickly adapted and it became a pretty even fight. I can tell that she is happy to be more challenged than she must usually be. 

Natasha takes off the sweatshirt she is wearing, revealing her T-shirt underneath. I keep mine on, trying to ignore how hot I feel. Natasha frowns. 

“Aren’t you going to take that off? You must be hot.” 

I try to skim around the question. “No, no, I’m fine. Uh, I need to shower- I’ll see you at lunch?” I slip out before she has the chance to reply. 

I breathe a sigh of relief as I step outside into the freezing December air. I lift my face towards the sky, letting the wind cool my cheeks. I was hoping for snow this year. There’s still time, I tell myself. It’s still only early December, after all. I push down the panic I feel whenever I think about the weather getting warmer. 

When I get back to my room, I head straight into the bathroom and strip off. I look into the mirror. A girl barely recognisable even from a month ago is staring back at me. 

I feel like I have aged an eternity after losing Pietro. Still, physically, I have improved. My collarbones don’t jut out as they did before, and my face has lost it’s sunken, hollow look. One thing, however, will never change. 

Subject 017. The words will be branded on my shoulder forever. A constant reminder of what I chose to do, who I chose to ally myself with. A scar from my first exposure to the sceptre is sprawled over my chest, this one a reminder that I will never be fully human, no matter what I do. 

I have managed to hide these from the Avengers, by wearing long sleeves. I don’t know how long I can keep it up for, especially around Natasha, who, knowing her, can probably sense something wrong. It is only a matter of time before they see me for who I really am- a monster. 

***

When the Avengers Movie Night is over and the day finally ends, I feel so tired, I barely even remember getting back to my room. I am just about to slip into bed when Natasha walks in. 

“Same time tomorrow?” she asks. I nod sleepily, then get under the covers. “You did well today.” 

“Thank you. It was fun.” 

“I can tell you’re exhausted, so I’ll let you go now.” Natasha reaches for the door. 

“Goodnight, Natasha.”

“Night, Wanda.” I sit bolt upright.

“You just called me Wanda!” I say. 

“If I recall correctly, that is your name.” 

“You’ve never called me by that before, you usually just call me Maximoff.” 

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” she says, completely straight-faced, but she winks at me as she leaves. 

I smile as I lay my head on the pillow. I want to think over the events of the day, to try to remember the fighting tactics I’ve learned, but I fall asleep within minutes. 

I am back in Novi Grad again, in the middle of Ultron’s invasion. This time, I don’t hesitate before letting my powers take control. Within seconds I am back in the clearing. 

I laugh with pure joy, relishing the feeling of the sun on my bare skin, of the prospect of no more nightmares. It almost seems too good to be true. 

I lie down and get ready for another night of uninterrupted sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

Another two weeks goes by without incident. The other Avengers make some quite frankly ridiculous preparations for Christmas. Seriously, do they need to constantly blare Christmas music? Or cover the entire compound in decoration? Or another hundred things that are apparently normal here. 

I had previously thought that the Avengers were going a little overkill, but that was nothing compared to New York City. I can’t help getting into the Christmas spirit slightly as Vision and I head into the city. Natasha and Steve are on a mission and Clint is spending the holidays with his family, so Vision and I decided to go experience some American culture together. 

Apparently that means wading through an unholy amount of people to get from place to place. Neither of us are particulary interested in actually, so we avoid the bigger department stores and end up in a second hand bookstore. I am in my element, perusing the books, and we are in there for almost half an hour. I pick out a few books that I might enjoy to help my English. 

“Wanda,” Vision calls from a few shelves over. I pause from looking through some fantasy novels. “I think there are some things over here you would like.” 

I go to where Vision is standing. He holds out a book towards me. I take it and almost squeal in delight. It is written in Sokovian. I quickly go towards the shelf and see a few more, some I recognise. I quickly sweep them into my arms. Stark is paying, after all. 

As I turn to leave I spot a navy book with gold writing down the spine. It reads: ‘Война и миръ’. 

War and Peace. I pull it out and studying it. It is a beautiful soft leather-bound book with yellowing pages. Maybe Natasha would like it for Christmas? I add it to the pile. 

***

Twenty minutes later, Vision and I are sitting at a burger joint, munching on burgers. To be more exact, I am munching on a burger, trying not to laugh at Vision’s look of awe as he tries a fry for the first time. I imagine I had a very similar expression on my face the first time I tried American pancakes. 

“I hear your training with Agent Romanoff is going very well,” Vision says. I grin. It is true that I have become much more confident using my powers even over the past few weeks, and I have managed to best Natasha in combat several times. Hopefully, it won’t be long until I can officially join the Avengers and actually go out and fight. 

“Yes, it has,” I say, and tell Vision about how my training is going. Neither Vision nor Natasha know that, while I have become more confident with my physical powers in combat, my mental abilities have also been improving. I have not had a single nightmare since the one in the junkyard. 

Vision seems impressed with my progress. “Perhaps we could spar today, if we have time?” he suggests. 

I light up at the suggestion. I know that Vision will not be easily overpowered, so I can go all-out without the risk of hurting him. “That’s a great idea! Let’s go back to the Compound now!” Vision looks a little surprised by my enthusiasm, but he smiles and stands up. 

“Of course, Wanda,” he smiles. I quickly eat the last bite of my burger, then we pay for our meal and head back. 

***

I wait impatiently for Vision to meet me in the gym. I had hurriedly gone up to my room and changed, and I am now warming up by myself. Vision enters just as I finish stretching. 

“Are you ready?” he asks. I grin at him and nod. 

“Let’s fight.” 

He joins me in the middle of the gym and gets ready to fight. I tighten my ponytail, then hold my hands up, letting my red spill out around them. I count to three and lunge forward. 

Vision swerves me easily, and I lift my hand up quickly to block his counter-attack, pushing him back with my powers. It takes me a total of ten seconds to realise that he is going easy on me, just like I was with Natasha. 

I respond by putting all of my strength into a punch, sending him flying back. I don’t hesitate, following with a series of attacks, forcing him to fight back. This time, his blow sends me back several feet, but I catch myself with my powers before I hit the floor. 

I smile. Finally, we’re getting into a real fight. I use my powers to levitate a few feet off the ground, something I have been practising privately in my bedroom, then I use it to slam into him, hard. He barely moves at all; this time he is prepared, and he doesn’t waste any time on a counter attack. I deflect it quickly, standing my ground. 

We go on like this for a while, until I have completely lost track of time and I am covered in sweat and completely exhausted. How long has it been? Twenty minutes? Half an hour? I look up at the clock on the wall briefly. I do a double take when I realise that we have been sparring for almost a full hour, almost double what I have managed to do before. 

“I think I’m finished for today,” I say breathlessly to Vision, who doesn’t look at all tired. 

He nods and grasps my arm. “Thank you Wanda, today was a lot of fun. We must do this again soon.” Thankfully, my face is so red from the workout, that hopefully he can’t see me blushing. 

Before I can reply, we are interrupted by the sound of clapping from the sides. I spin around and see Steve and Natasha sitting on one of the benches. How long have they been watching? Their relaxed posture suggests that they have been here a while, and I hadn’t noticed. 

“That was very impressive,” Natasha says. 

“Impressive? The kid could take down Hydra by herself!” Steve replies. 

“Not that you will,” Natasha adds hastily, seeing my look of interest, “But he’s right, you’re going to be an asset to the team.” Again, I am glad that no one can see the heat rising in my cheeks. 

***

The day’s events have completely exhausted me, so it takes no time at all to get to sleep. I lounge around in the clearing for a little while, still elated over spending the day with Vision and getting complimented by both Steve and Natasha. 

I lie on my front by the edge of the pond, swishing my hand back and forth in the clear blue water. I am just about to turn over and go to sleep properly when I see something moving in the water. 

I go up onto my knees to give myself a higher vantage point then peer into the water. I can see vague images swirling around, but nothing I can fully make out. My power begins to snake forward of its own accord, going into the water and spreading out. I push down my instinctive panic, and when that has cleared away I feel something else. Something is beckoning me into the water, a pull that is impossible to ignore. I take a deep breath then dive into the water. 

***

I am standing in the middle of a staircase, a large pair of double-doors in front of me. I warily make my way over to them. 

I reach for the doorknob, but my hand passes straight through it, so I walk through the doors. 

I am standing in a ballet studio, watching a group of dancers go over a set of moves over and over again while a tall, thin woman oversees them. 

My blood runs cold as I realise where I have seen this before. This is Natasha’s dream. I need to get out of here, right now. 

As I prepare to leave, I see a woman watching from the sidelines. It’s Natasha. She is watching the dancers intently with glassy eyes. I can help her. I can get her out of here. 

I run up to her and grab her arm. It shocks her out of her state and she whirls around to face me. Before she can rip her arm out of my grasp, I let my powers take over again. 

***

We are back in the clearing again. I breathe a sigh of relief. I did it! I managed to stop her nightmare! Before I can turn to Natasha, to explain what had happened, she grasps my arm painfully tight and pulls me around to face her. 

“What the fuck did you just do?” She demands. “How dare you get in my head!” I feel tears come into my eyes. 

“I-I didn’t mean to, I promise! I-” 

“Yeah, sure you didn’t.” Natasha’s eyes are dark with fury. 

“I was trying to help!” I say. The tears are flowing freely down my face now. I frantically try to organise my thoughts, to explain what I was trying to do, but Natasha isn’t having any of it. 

“If you think that fucking with my mind is helping me in any way, you are sorely mistaken,” she practically snarls at me. “Get me out of here, now!” 

I let my eyes go red. I can see the fear in Natasha’s face, but I am beyond caring. I raise my hands and shove her out of my dream. I feel myself wake up with a start.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm really sorry for the delay, but I will try to be a bit more consistent. Thank you so much for your comment! Hope you enjoy :)

I am jolted out of my dream, my breath coming in short gasps. I sit up and sip at my water, trying to piece my thoughts together. 

Natasha. Me in Natasha’s dream. Natasha in my dream. Oh God, was that real? Something tells me it was very real. I reach up to rub sleep from my eyes, and feel the tears on my cheeks. 

I’ve really messed up now. My mentor now hates me, and who can blame her? I realise now that I shouldn’t have invaded her space like that. How long will I have before she tells everyone what I did? That I haven’t changed at all since Ultron? How long before I have to leave? 

It’s 3AM. I should go back to sleep, but I know for certain that I won’t be able to sleep now. I stumble to the light switch and flick it on, then rummage around in my room for some essentials. 

I pack the few clothes I had from Sokovia, my pictures and my jewelry. I hesitate over the Parka Nat brought for me on my first week, running my fingers over the faux-fur hood. I want to take it- it’s so cold outside. But I can’t steal from the Avengers. 

I should just leave now, before someone has to tell me to leave. But, selfishly, I don’t want to go- not yet. I don’t know how to survive on my own. I’ll wait until I’m told to leave. For now, I need to get outside before I smash all the windows. 

I place the bag on the chair in the corner of my room, ready for when I need it. Then I grab my coat and leave quietly. 

***

I walk in a daze for a little while, trying to fight down the panic that I feel. How has my life come to this? The frost on the ground makes a crunch as I walk. Why does everyone Ieave me? My breath makes a mist in the frozen air. How can I deal with the fact that this time, it is fully my fault?

If I am being honest with myself, Pietro’s death was my fault too. Ultron was my fault- he would never have been made if only I hadn’t been consumed with anger and vengeance. 

As I go deeper into the woods, it becomes harder and harder to see my way in the dark. My foot catches on a tree root and I fall, landing hard on my side.

Suddenly I realise just how tired I am. Not just physically, but emotionally. I guess this is what Natasha meant when she said that I couldn’t just push my feelings down. 

I rest my head on the ground, feeling the icy earth on my cheek. I don’t want to get up. I’m so tired. I’m so cold.

I close my eyes.

*** 

When I wake up, it is considerably lighter. Sunlight peeks through the trees; the ice around me has melted a little, soaking my face and the left side of my body. 

I go to check the time, then realise that I have left my phone in my bedroom. I have no idea what time it is. I hurry back to the Compound, anxious at what will await me when I get there. 

It is quiet when I arrive. Still early, then. I slip into my room, and collapse on my bed. Now, going outside in the middle of a December night doesn’t seem like it was such a great idea. Even back in the warmth of my room, I can’t stop shivering and Ican feel a tickle in my throat, signalling the start of a cough. Great. 

It’s 7:30am. Some of the Avengers will be up by now, some still sleeping. I decide to brave the kitchen to get some food. 

I am halfway a bowl of cereal when Steve and Sam walk in, Sam looking exhausted and sweaty. 

“One day, one of these days I’m gonna run the full track without you overtaking me,” Sam says. 

“You can dream,” Steve replies, grinning. Sam smacks him on the shoulder, but he is laughing. The light-hearted tone of their voices tells me that they don’t know what I’ve done yet. 

Sam catches sight of me. “Hey, Maxi, how are you doing?” 

I smile at him. “I’m alright, how are you?”

“The Star-Spangled Man insisted that we run this morning, so I’m half-dead and dying for some caffeine, but other than that I’m good. Have you been up for a while? No offence, but you look kinda tired.” 

“I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep well last night,” I say vaguely, hoping Sam won’t ask any further. 

Steve comes over to the table carrying two mugs. He hands one over to Sam. “I hope you’re not too tired for sparring today. You’re with me.”

My head snaps up. I haven’t sparred with anyone but Natasha and Vision since she took over my training. She must have told him already. Why isn’t he asking me to leave? 

“Yeah, Nat won’t be here this week. She’s requested the week off to stay with Clint.” I try not to show how upset his words make me feel. Natasha is leaving because of me, because she can’t stand to be around me. And who could blame her, really? 

“She requested time off?” I try to say casually. I don’t think it worked. 

“Yes, we all need time off sometimes. When you start missions, you will be able to take weeks off, as long as there’s no world-ending event happening.” 

“Will that be soon?” I ask, curious despite myself. 

“Well,” he frowns, “I would much rather wait until you’re eighteen before you start missions.” My eighteenth birthday is almost a year away. “But, you are a valuable addition to this team, so if you want, we can think about getting you started.”

This is the news I’ve been waiting for for over a month. I should be elated. But I can’t bring myself to be happy at the news. I hurt the Avengers when I attacked their minds, especially Natasha, and I swore to them that I would never do anything like that again, and I couldn’t even keep that promise for 6 weeks. 

Sam looks at me, concerned. “Maxi, are you sure you’re OK? You do want to start missions, right? Because if you don’t, you don’t have to do them, OK? No one will force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

“I know,” I reply and force myself to smile. “I want this, really. Thank you for letting me know. I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

I eat the last of my cereal. It tastes like sawdust. “I think I’m going back to sleep for a little while.” 

“All right, I’ll see you after lunch, “ Steve says. I shove my bowl in the sink and leave the kitchen. As I leave, I hear Sam say something else, to me or to Steve, but I can’t quite make it out. I feel like I’m underwater. 

I stumble into my room and lie down on my bed. My heart is hammering and my breath is coming in short gasps. I curl up into the foetal position and close my mind as my mind races.

Finally, things were looking up. I was getting on with everyone and starting to feel a little happier. I could get through several days before breaking down over Pietro. And now, Steve tells me that I might be allowed on missions soon. And I’ve had to go and ruin everything. 

It would have been so easy, to ignore the pull of Natasha’s dream, to mind my own business and not go into her head. Now, my mentor hates me, and the rest of them will soon follow. 

I am crying again. I wipe away my tears angrily and sit up. I’m falling apart. My chest is painfully tight, and my heart now feels as if it is trying to escape. I think idly that this must be a little of what Ultron felt when I ripped his heart. So much violence- always, so much violence and pain. 

I want out. I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to leave myself, leave my body, my mind. I want it all to stop. I think of the place that I go to in my dreams. Could I reach it while I’m awake? I guess there’s only one way to find out. 

***

The sight of the now-familiar clearing in the forest fills me with relief. Already, I feel much calmer. 

Instead of heading towards the pond, like I usually do, I sit down in the grass closer to the trees. I already feel a little better. My breathing has become much easier, my chest not so tight, and my panic is subsiding. 

My thoughts are much more measured, and I can see past the immediate danger of being kicked. I really need to apologize to Natasha, much as it scares me. I don’t think for a second that she would hurt me. I am scared of looking into the eyes that had become gradually warmer over the past few weeks filled with wariness and pain, once again from something I did to her. 

I lie back on the grass, trying to build up the courage to leave my safe haven and go and talk to Natasha. The sun shines through the trees, casting golden pockets of sunlight on the forest floor. I sit back up and stare at it for a moment. 

For the first time, I feel curious about what lies beyond the clearing. How big is the forest? What’s behind it? I take a few tentative steps into the forest. The trees are so dense, I can’t see very far ahead of me. It would be very easy to get lost here. But I can always pull myself out of here if I need to. I keep going. 

***

I have been wandering around for about 20 minutes. I haven’t found a single path or anything of interest. Just trees- a whole lot of trees. I am also very, very lost. 

I don’t feel scared. I probably should be. The temperature has dropped quite a bit, but the sense of peace I always feel here is still present. In fact, I feel completely relaxed. 

I should be leaving soon. I need to- what was it I needed to do? Something to do with Natasha. Can it wait? I can’t remember. 

I wander around for a bit longer, when I feel something pulling me back. I ignore it- I am not interested in getting pulled into someone else’s dream. It persists. I roll my eyes and carry on. I don’t want to leave yet- 

Suddenly, I feel hands on my shoulders, shaking me I whip around. No one is here. 

“Maximoff! Maxi- Wanda, wake up!” I hear a voice shout. I start to reply, then feel a force yank me out of my dream. 

The trees are suddenly replaced with white walls and frantic movement in front of me. Natasha is knelt in front of me on the bed, gripping my shoulders and calling my name. I have never seen her look so panicked. 

I meet her eyes. “Oh, thank God,” she breathes, “I was just about to call in the team. Are you ok?” 

I nod, disoriented. It takes me a few seconds to realise that I am in my bedroom at the Compound. Natasha still hasn’t taken her hands off of my shoulders. Is she shaking? I didn’t know she could do that. 

“What the hell happened? I came in and you were just sitting there staring at the wall. You weren’t responding to anything.” She takes a deep breath, and I can see that she is trying to regain her composure.

“I was staring at the wall?” I say uneasily. I had thought I was asleep. Had I managed to escape reality? I don’t know how I feel about that. 

“Yes, you were. Are you going to tell me what happened, Wanda? Because that was terrifying to see.” 

“I’m fine,” I say. I can tell she doesn’t believe me. “Natasha, I’m so sorry,” I say before she can say anything else. I need to tell her now, before she leaves. “What I did was so wrong, a- a violation of your privacy.” I had looked that word up over a month ago, when I heard it being used in relation to my powers. The word doesn’t seem adequate for what I did to them all. 

“ I don’t know why I went into your dream, but it was so stupid and so wrong. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Natasha listens to my apology with a blank look on her face. After a pause, she nods. 

“OK.” She gets off the bed and faces me, her arms crossed. “Yes, you’re right, it was stupid and wrong to go into my head. As long as you understand that, we can move forward.” 

I nod my head. “All right. I don’t know if Steve has told you, but I’m staying at Clint’s for the week. I haven't seen Nate since he was born.” I assume that is one of Clint’s children. I have a strong feeling that’s not the only reason Natasha is leaving, but I just nod. 

”Have a good time.” I respond quietly. 

“Thank you, if you need anything, you can call- “ she breaks off as she spots my nightstand. “Where are your pictures?” I follow her line of vision. 

On my nightstand, I usually have a framed photo of my family, taken only weeks before the bomb that shattered my childhood. I also have a picture of Pietro and I in Novi Grad when we were twelve, taken by an American photographer during the making of a documentary about the affects of bombings in Sokovia. They are my most precious possessions. They were the first items to go into my bag. 

“Uhhh…” I hesitate, my eyes automatically going to the bag in the corner. Natasha catches it. 

“Why have you packed a bag? Where are you going?” she asks.

“It was just in case.” I mumble, my cheeks flushing. Natasha sits back down on the bed. 

“Oh, Wanda, you don’t have to be scared of that. We’re never going to kick you out, OK? I promise that you’re safe here.” 

I shake my head. “You shouldn’t be comforting me; I was apologising to you!” 

“I know you were trying to help. I won’t hold it against you, as long as you know not to do it again.” I nod, giving her a shaky smile which she returns. It feels as if a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. I don’t understand how she can be so forgiving, but I can’t help being glad. 

“I’ll see you in a week, Wanda.” She leaves. I lie back down, feeling as if the world has realigned itself. Natasha doesn’t hate me. I’m not being kicked out of the Avengers. I will be going on missions soon. The world looks much brighter than it had- wait how long had it been? 

I check my phone. Then I have to check it again. My lock screen tells me that it is 12:03 PM. I start in disbelief. I was in that forest for five hours, and it had only felt like twenty. 

Before I can take this in properly, I realise that I am three- no , four minutes late for my combat lesson with Steve. I can figure this out later. I jump up quickly and get changed into my workout gear, then sprint down the hall towards the gym, where Steve is waiting patiently for me. 

“Are you ready?” he asks as I finish stretching. I smile and get into a fighting stance. I am ready.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there :) I hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for your comments, they completely make my day!

I lounge back on my bed almost a week later, a copy of The Brothers Karamazov held in front of my face. The Great Gatsby lies on the floor where I threw it twenty minutes previously. I am starting to read books in English, but today I had only managed to read a few pages before I became restless and antsy, so I had given up and turned to Russian literature. It feels nice to be able to read without it being a lot of work. 

Natasha had told me when I first arrived at the Compound that I could borrow her books any time I wanted, so I had gone into her room and found a selection of books in at least ten languages. I had spent almost ten minutes just pulling books off the shelves and leafing through them, wondering how on Earth Natasha had managed to learn so many languages. Maybe she can teach me one- I’ve always wanted to learn French. 

“Wanda?” Someone is outside my door. I jump, and the book slips from my grasp, falling onto my face. 

“Ow!” I curse, then jump up and get the door. Steve is standing outside. 

“Are you OK? I heard a crash.” he asks. I decide not to tell him that I’ve just dropped a book on my face. 

“Yes, everything’s fine. What’s wrong?” Steve is in full combat gear. Either I’m very late for some training I’ve forgotten about, or he’s just been called on a mission. He doesn’t seem pissed off with me, so I’m going with the latter. Then again, Steve does have the patient of a saint. 

“We’ve been called on a mission- potential Hydra base.” I try to fight down my disappointment. I was already extremely bored, the day being a slow one, and now the one thing I have on my schedule today has been cancelled. Then something occurs to me. 

“Wait, who is we?” Natasha is staying with Clint, Sam and Rhodes are already on a mission of their own and Tony is away with Pepper. Only Steve, Vision and I are actually here, and I already know that when Hydra is involved we need all the people we can get. Then I realise that Steve is still looking at me expectantly. 

“Of course, you don’t have to do this, we will never make you do something that you’re not com-” 

“Yes, yes,” I cut in impatiently, “Am I on this mission?” 

“Yes.” Finally! I grin at him. He clearly sees the enthusiasm in my face. “Right then, I’ll meet you by the Quinjet in half an hour. Make sure you bring clothes to change into, just in case.” Then he is gone, leaving me practically jumping up and down in excitement. Immediately, I close the door and scramble for some appropriate clothes. I don’t have an official Avengers uniform yet, so I settle for a red T-shirt, black leggings and jacket. It doesn’t look particularly impressive or heroic, but hopefully my skills will speak for themselves. 

It’s not normal to be so excited to go and beat up people, right? Should I be worried? Then again, these are Nazis. Honestly, I can’t wait. The last time Hydra and I crossed paths, I had been a scared little girl. It’s time to show them what the Avengers have taught me. 

*** 

Thirty minutes later, we are in the air, heading towards Mexico. Steve is briefing Vision and I on what we need to do. I am full of restless energy. The nerves are about to set in. This is not a training exercise- this is real life. 

“Again, do not engage unless absolutely necessary.” Steve is saying. He keeps giving me nervous looks. I can tell that he doesn’t want to be putting me on a mission already, but my powers were needed. Vision appears as serene as ever. It reassures me. 

We land the Quinjet at the edge of a forest, about half a mile away from where the potential base it. The dry forest trees provide a perfect cover to land- but also a great place to hide illegal operations, if you are smart enough. 

We trek for a short while, hyper-aware of every slight movement, constantly on guard for Hydra agents. We reach the base without any incident. 

We set to work. My job is to gather as much intel as possible, to see if I can get any information about what kind of operation this is and to try to find clues to any other Hydra locations. My first-hand knowledge of Hydra bases gives me an advantage over the other two, who are essentially my bodyguards. Then, we will retreat and bring everything to Director Fury, and assemble a bigger and more-prepared team to take them down. 

Carefully, I lead us around the perimeter, until I can sense an opening into the outwardly smooth walls. I press down and the door opens. Everything is silent. Too silent. I feel the hairs on the neck stand up and resist the urge to let some of the red out of my hind. I don’t need to attract any attention if they don’t know that we’re here. 

The mission goes off without a hitch. The base seems to be a weapons manufacturing unit, not abandoned but not heavily guarded either, with very little security. Evidently, they are unaware that we even know about this base, making our job much easier. I even manage to trace communication with a location in northern Germany. I can’t help but feel proud of myself as we make our way out. I have proven myself useful on a mission, and with this information we will be able to take down more of Hydra.

I feel myself start to relax as we turn down the final corridor towards the exit. This was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. I can’t wait to tell Natasha- 

The ground shakes. Without missing a beat, Steve grabs me and pulls me down, throwing his body over mine while Vision slams through the wall, creating an immediate exit for us. No point in being stealthy now. 

Terror floods me as I realise what is happening. They knew we were here all the time. They are collapsing the building. 

Steve puts his arm around my waist and we jump out of the hole in the wall, trying to avoid the rubble as it falls around us. I cry out in pain as a brick clips my shoulder, but as soon as we hit the ground we are running through the forest.

A blast shakes the ground again. I turn around and watch, horrified, as the remains of the building explode. The explosion is expanding rapidly. 

With a thrill of horror, I realise that we have only seconds until we are encased in fire. I can feel the heat as a wall of flame rushes towards us. 

“Vision, take Wanda and go!” Steve barks. No. I’m not going to leave him here. I’ve only known him for a short while, but his death would completely devastate me. I can’t even think of what it would do to Natasha. 

Vision grabs my arm and prepares to launch us into the air. Steve is turned away from the blast, his eyes closed. 

Before I can think too much about what I am doing, I use my powers to push Vision away. Normally, this wouldn’t do much to him, but he is completely unprepared and stumbles back. I sprint past Steve and turn to face the explosion head on. 

This is definitely the most stupid thing I ever done. I will almost certainly die. But I have to try. I throw my hands up, letting my red shoot of my hands, then use my powers to push the fire to the sides.

The fire suddenly parts, splitting off into two around me. I close my eyes and the fire rushes past us. It is exhausting, using this much power at once, and I can feel my head pounding and blood gushing from my nose. 

Finally, it is over. The fire dissipates, leaving small pockets of burning wood. I collapse to the ground, completely exhausted, and pain is radiating up my arms. 

Steve reaches me first. 

“Wanda? Wanda?!” He sounds panicked. I want to reply, to tell him that I’m fine, but my head is swimming, my thoughts aren’t coherent. I close my eyes. 

I vaguely feel myself being passed over to Vision, who takes off into the air. The next thing I remember is being laid down on the medical bed. As soon as my head touches the pillow, I can’t keep my eyes open. I go towards the darkness that is calling to me. 

***

When I open my eyes again, I am back in my bedroom at the Compound. My head is still pounding and I ache all over. 

I sit up, wincing at the pain in my arms and left shoulder, all of which are bandaged. Other than that, I feel fine. Why do I have bandages? Did something happen? There is yelling outside- it must have been what has woken me up. It sounds like Natasha and Steve. 

Steve! I jump up as everything comes flooding back. I need to know if he is OK. I get up, ignoring how weak my legs are, and open the door. 

Steve and Natasha are in the middle of a heated argument. Natasha looks furious. They both stop abruptly when they see me. 

“Wanda! Are you all right?” Steve asks. I nod. Within two strides, he is by my side wrapping me in a hug. I wince a little at the pain in my arms but hug him back, relishing the warm feeling. 

“Are you OK?” I ask him. I am confused as to why Natasha is here. She isn’t supposed to return for another two days. 

“He won’t be fine in a minute when I beat the shit out of him.” Oh. She’s very angry. 

“Nat, I-” 

“How could you take her on such a dangerous mission? There were THREE of you dealing with Hydra? It couldn’t have waited two days?” 

“Nat, even if there were more of us, there wasn’t much we could do with a bomb-” 

“Exactly! None of you were prepared enough for this! How could you bring Wanda into such a dangerous situation.” 

“I managed fine,” I pipe up, slightly offended. 

“And you,” Natasha turns to me, fire blazing in her eyes, “What on Earth possessed you to blatantly risk your life like that? Do you have no self-preservation? You are only just seventeen, you do not get to make that kind of decision, do you understand me?” 

I nod, taken aback. Natasha is close to tears, staring me right in the eye. I have never seen her so emotional, even after I went into her head. I didn’t realise she cared this much. 

“Right then, you are benched indefinitely, until you are fully healed. Steve, we will carry on this conversation in the living room.” Steve nods resigned. 

“I’m glad you’re OK, Wanda. That was an incredible show of power.” He says, then hurries down the hall. Natasha glares at his back until he is gone, leaving the two of us alone. I go to take a step towards the door, feeling a little light-headed. Suddenly my legs buckle and I find myself falling. 

Instantly, Natasha is there. She puts an arm around my shoulders and leads me towards the bed. 

“How long will I need to recover?” I ask tentatively. 

“The shoulder should heal in a few days. The burns will take a few weeks.” I look down at my bandaged arms. So that’s what the pain is. 

I lie back, trying not to show how exhausted I am already. I have been awake for less than ten minutes. Natasha isn’t fooled. 

“You should go to sleep now,” She says. Her voice is much gentler now. 

“Nat, I’m really sorry,” I say tiredly as I lay my head down. I have never used her nickname before, but it feels right to use it now. She gives me a half smile. 

“It’s OK, Wanda. What you did was really brave. Stupid, but brave. You probably saved Steve’s life.” 

“Don’t be too hard on him,” I plead, “He was trying to get us to leave him and save ourselves.” 

Natasha’s eyes narrow. “He didn’t tell me that part.” Oh, shit. I quickly change the subject. 

“That’s not all I want to apologise for. Did you have to cut your stay with Clint short because of me?” I feel awful- Natasha had clearly gone to Clint’s while she was still upset that I had been in her head, and now she’s here for me. I don’t deserve this. 

“This was a lot more important,” is all she says in reply. I can feel my eyes closing, but stubbornly force them open. “No, Wanda, it’s OK, you can go to sleep.” 

“I don’t want to,” I try to stop myself from whining at her, but it comes out anyway. 

“I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Really?” 

“Of course,” she says, pulling the chair from the corner of the room to my bedside. She settles into the chair. 

“Thank you,” I whisper, closing my eyes. I am asleep before I can catch her reply.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!! Thank you to everyone who is leaving kudos and comments. You really make my day. Sorry for such a short chapter, I've got something bigger coming next- enjoy :)

The new intel we had gathered had two immediate consequences. Firstly, all hands were now on deck as finding the next Hydra base became our top priority. Secondly, Natasha isn’t keeping me out of her sight, making sure that I don’t try to sneak into training or onto missions. 

Sure, it’s annoying, but I can’t help feeling happy that there is someone looking out for me, even if she is absolutely terrifying. Although, now I think about it, I don’t feel scared of her at all anymore. 

Three days after the mission, I wake up to see snow outside. My heart leaps. I always loved snow, when I was much younger, until I was ten years old. My opinion had changed very quickly as the reality of being homeless in the middle of a harsh Sokovian winter settled in. Still, looking out of my window from my warm bedroom, I feel as if I am inside a snowglobe. Excitement bubbles up in me. 

I get changed quickly and head into the kitchen. Steve is there, sipping a mug of coffee. It is the first time I have seen him without Natasha hovering around us. 

“Hi, Wanda, how are you?” He asks when he sees me. 

“I’m fine,” I say, and I am being completely honest. Since the mission I have felt more clear-headed, calmer than I have in a long time. I had managed to show that I am capable of being on this team. 

“Pancakes?” Steve offers, opening the cupboards and pulling out ingredients. 

“You don’t have to do that,” I say, while my stomach rumbles. 

“Consider it a thank you for saving my life.” Steve still seems to feel guilty for saving me, though I have repeatedly assured him that it wasn’t his fault. “Besides, I want pancakes too.” I relax into my seat as he turns the stove on. 

“Where is everyone?” I ask through a mouthful of pancakes as we sit at the counter. 

“Nat and Sam are sorting through data and preparing a team. I’m joining them this afternoon. Rhodes and Tony are still away, but they’ll be back by tomorrow. Vision is with Tony.” 

I nod and go back to my food. 

“So, what are you doing today?” He continues.

“I’m not sure, maybe I will stare at a wall again. Nat won’t even let me get near the gym, it’s like she can read my mind.” Every time I so much as glance in the direction of the training area, Natasha is somehow right next to me, handing me some English work or asking me to do something in the kitchen. 

Steve laughs. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised. You didn’t see her when she arrived at the Compound.” 

“What happened?” I ask curiously. When I woke up, the argument had clearly been going on for a while. I don’t actually know what happened before that. 

“Well, she arrived about an hour after we landed. You were completely out of it. We knew you were going to be OK, your vitals were fine, so we just brought you to your room and let you sleep it off. When Nat arrived, she ignored all of us and went straight to your room. When she saw you were OK, she came out of your room and told us what she thought of us.” 

“Wow,” is all I can say. 

“Yeah, she really cares about you.” I shrug, embarrassed. “No, really, Nat is a very private person, but is one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. It doesn’t take a genius to see how much she likes you.” 

I look down to hide my blush and take a sip of my tea. 

“Hey, do you wanna do something fun,” Steve says suddenly, looking out of the window. 

“Yes?” I say warily. 

“I asked Sam to meet me here in ten minutes. I haven’t had a snowball fight since I was a kid.” I jump up in excitement. 

“Really?!” 

“Of course. Go and get your coat.” 

***

Five minutes later Steve and I are hidden behind the corner, a snowball in each hand. I can’t stop myself from giggling as Steve shushes me. 

We wait until we see Sam begin to walk across the lawn towards the living quarters, then hide further back so that he definitely can’t see us. We listen as his footsteps get closer. I wait until he is directly across from us then run around the corner. 

I am immediately hit on the face with a snowball. I reel back, shocked. Sam is practically roaring with laughter and Natasha stands behind him, her arms crossed. 

“Nat could see you both from a mile off,” he says between gasps of laughter. 

“Nat!” Steve complains. She rolls her eyes, but she is smiling.

“I wasn’t gonna let Sam get ambushed by you two idiots,” she says. 

“If we’re having a fight, I’m having Maxi on my team.” Sam announces. 

“No, you’re not,” Nat replies, “She’s injured.” 

“Nat, I’m fine, I’ll just use my right arm.” Natasha shakes her head and sighs. 

“Fine, but you’re on my team.” 

It is not so much a snowball fight as a snowball warzone. After a while, I realise that I am basically dead weight at this point as I watch Steve and Natasha launch snowballs at each other at a rate that would probably kill anyone else. I am slightly awed by Natasha’s speed and Steve’s strength. Apparently, Sam has come to the same realisation as he stands off to the side and watches. 

At least, that what I think he’s doing, until I notice him activating something on his wrist. His wings come out. Uh, no. If he’s using his wings, then I’m using my powers. I run forward, jumping in front of Natasha as Sam pelts snowballs at us from above. 

I throw my hands up, wanting to create a shield with my powers, but I am shocked when the snow by my feet jumps up, forming a kind of shield around us, with no hint of any red. OK, I definitely didn’t know that I could do that. I raise my hands again, and sent the snowballs Sam throws at us right back at him while Natasha uses our new advantage to launch a new attack on Steve, who is taken off guard. 

After that, it doesn’t take Nat and I much time to end the fight. I am completely covered in snow, my left shoulder aching, but my face is flushed and I feel like a nine year-old kid again. 

“Since when could you manipulate snow like that?” Sam asks as we sit inside sipping on hot chocolate. The plans for the raid of the next Hydra base lie on the table. Natasha has begrudgingly let me sit in, but first she insists on me getting warmed up before the meeting starts. 

“I didn’t know I could do that,” I admit. It had felt just as natural as using my normal powers. But then something occurs to me. When I pushed the fire around us on the mission, was it my red moving it or was I manipulating the fire itself? The thought scares me a little- what else can I do? What are the limits? But does it really matter? As long as I’m using my powers for good, surely that’s a good thing, right? 

“Well, it was awesome, honestly,” Sam affirms. Steve nods. Natasha has her arms crossed, but she doesn’t look afraid, or angry. 

“As long as you’re careful with your powers. If you ever jump into danger without thinking again, I’ll... “ Natasha trails off, while Sam lets out a snort. 

“Yes, mother,” he says teasingly, and Steve tries not to smile. I duck my head embarrassed, and Natasha slaps Sam on the arm. 

“I humbly apologise for trying to stop a minor from getting herself killed, since not a single one of you morons seems to know what self-preservation means!” She shoots back, but again, she doesn’t seem angry. 

“On the plus side, you’re going to be a very valuable asset to the Avengers when you’re back to normal.” Steve says in a more serious tone. 

“Or whenever Nat decides to stop guarding the entrance to the gym like Cerberus,” Sam interjects. 

“Or Wan Shi Tong,” I pipe up. Sam looks at me in delight, while Nat rolls her eyes. 

“A cultured woman! I knew we would make a disciple or you yet,” Sam says, and I nod enthusiastically, pretending I knew half of what he was saying. 

The sound of the Quinjet landing suddenly fills the living room. Tony, Rhodes and Vision are back. Steve, Sam and Natasha greet Tony and Rhodes while I make a beeline for Vision. I was surprised by how much I found myself missing him these past two days. I have started to get used to his quiet, calm presence. 

“Hello, Wanda, how are you?” I haven’t seen him since the mission. 

“Hi, Vizh, I’m fine.” 

“I’m very glad,” he says. Impulsively, I give him a hug. He seems surprised, but not unpleasantly so, and hugs me back. 

When we pull back, everyone else in the room is staring at us. I blush again and sit on the nearest chair. Natasha quickly sits next to me. It takes a conscious effort not to roll my eyes. But now is not the time for this- we need to focus on Hydra. 

We settle into our seats and the meeting begins.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait! The past few weeks have been some of the busiest ever, but I have the next few chapters planned out and the next chapter basically ready to go. Hope you enjoy, and don't forget to comment :)

_Natasha’s POV:_

_Before it all went to hell, Natasha had thought she had it all figured out. Another teammate, another weapon in their arsenal in the ongoing war against Hydra and any other evils of the world. But it had never been like that, for her. She cared deeply for every single member of the team._

_She had been prepared to care for the newest member. But something was different this time. Something stopped the deadly Black Widow from viewing the Maximoff girl the way she saw the others, no matter how hard she tried._

_Her whole body feels weak and shaky, but that is nothing compared to what is going on in her mind. Her thoughts seem disconnected, frustratingly slow and lethargic, making it difficult to think coherently. In fact, there is only one clear thought in her head: get to Wanda._

_Find Wanda, and stop her. Before she manages to destroy them all- for good this time._

Wanda’s POV:

“Got it!” The shout pulls me out of my stupor.

The meeting has been going on for over an hour, and, though I was desperate to be in on this meeting, I found myself losing focus as we hit the 40 minute mark. I am sitting on the couch, leaning slightly on Vision’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind.

I jump up immediately at Tony’s exclamation. We crowd around the computer as he points out the coordinates. Somewhere in Tanzania, by the looks of it. The location of the meeting place of two high- ranking Hydra operatives.

Finally. We will be cutting it fine if we’re going to plan and make it in time. Steve stands up and claps his hands together to get our attention. As if he needed to - as if we weren’t all looking to him for instructions anyway.

“Be prepared to leave in 20 minutes. Remember to pack for the heat.”

My blood runs cold as his words sink in. Stupid, I curse myself. It’s not snowing in every part of the world. Obviously.

I race to my room, trying not to freak out. I pick out some T- shirts, feeling panic welling up with every failed attempt to cover the marks. My clothes are strewn across the bed, but I can’t even take the time to put them away.

‘Subject 017’ glares back at me in the mirror, as vivid as ever. A constant reminder of what I am. Now everyone else will remember, too. Should I even be going on this mission? I was with the other side for a lot longer than I have been with the Avengers. Why do they trust me already? I don’t even trust myself, not really.

“Wanda, are you nearly ready?” Natasha calls from behind the door.

“I’m coming!” I call back, but my voice is shaky, wavering. I’m not fooling anyone, especially not Natasha. I just about have time to pull on a jacket before she comes in.

She opens the door and pauses when she sees the mess and the look on my face, which I’m presuming isn’t as calm as I am trying to appear.

“Wanda, what’s wrong?” I frantically search for an excuse. “And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know you too well by now.”

I consider lying again for another second, then realise that I just don’t want to anymore. I’m tired. Tired of pretending to be better than I am. I take off my jacket and toss it onto the bed, letting Natasha see the scar and the brand visible underneath my vest top.

She stares steadily back at me. “You still haven’t told me what the problem is.”

I frown at her. Is she playing dumb on purpose? I gesture to my chest. Her eyes scan over me briefly then shift back to my face.

“I didn’t want anyone to see,” I choke out, “And now they’re all going to see,” I finish lamely.

“Wanda, they know.”

“What- how?”

“When you came back from that mission- your shoulder was burned, remember? We had to bandage it.” Sometimes I surprise even myself with my stupidity. How did I forget that? Of course they had to have seen it.

“So you all knew?”

“About the brand? Yes, why does it matter?”

I just shake my head. It matters. It matters because no matter what I do, I will always be a part of Hydra, or rather, Hydra will be a part of me, in my powers.

“We need to get going,” is all I say. I pick up my backpack I use for missions. There’s no point in hiding it anymore.

Suddenly, there are arms around me. The shock of being hugged by Natasha is so great that I stand there with my arms hanging limply at my side for a moment before I bring them up to hug her back.

“You don’t have to hide your scars from us, Wanda, and especially not from me,” she whispers by my ear. “Remind me to tell you about the Winter Soldier one day, OK?” I nod and she breaks the hug.

“Come on, let’s go. We have exactly-” Natasha glances at her phone “- one minute until we are officially late. I can’t have you ruining my reputation, Maximoff.” I smile back at her, feeling a little lighter than before.

***

We are about to face my greatest enemies. The people who made me what I am, my Frankenstein. I should be terrified, or angry, or both. And I was, for the parts of the 12 hour journey where I was actually awake.

But now all I can think about is the damn heat. I have only ever lived in places where snow falls up to your knees and the cold could burrow itself into your very bones and stay there. So I knew, intellectually, that I was probably not going to deal with the heat very well.

But, my God. It takes every ounce of self-control not to complain every step of the way towards the meeting place- in the middle of a rainforest, of course.

Eventually, we make it to where we need to be. Natasha and Steve immediately begin staking out the area while Stark, Vision and Sam work on setting up the recording equipment and who-knows-what else we need for gathering data.

I act as a lookout, using my powers to sense any presence as it approaches. It is a lot more difficult than usual. I have to spend extra time filtering through the auras of the sentient life in the forest- and there is a lot of it- to try to find human consciousness.

Twenty minutes later, there is still nothing. Everyone is sitting in silence. The air is thick with anticipation- or is that just the humidity. Natasha, who is closest to me, crouched behind some plant life that I don’t recognise, is completely still and silent. I have never been good at keeping still, and I can’t stop fidgeting. She shoots me a glare. I stop.

Finally, I feel a thread of consciousness. They’re coming. I put my hand up, a silent warning, and hold up two fingers. They nod and get into position. Just like we practised. Everything is going as it should.

So of course it goes to shit only moments later. Only not in the way I was expecting.

I pull on the thread of consciousness nearest to me, ready to rifle through their mind to get the information we need. Then I freeze.

I recognise this mind. No, not just that- I am familiar with this mind. Brutally familiar.

I am frozen in place. Everything is so slow, and I can’t move.

Then, suddenly, everything speeds up, and I am no longer frozen. I am burning. Burning with all the rage and bitterness of my broken childhood. Everything else is blurred and far-away. I don’t even realise I am running until I am next to him.

I use my powers to shove him to his knees. I walk towards him slowly. I know my eyes must be glowing red. It’s a sight that would terrify anyone, and for once, I embrace it.

But the man stares up at me without a trace of fear in his eyes. I can change that. I will make him fear me.

“Hello, Kroshka,” my uncle says.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it's been a minute since I last updated. Uni has been very stressful at the moment and I honestly was considering not continuing this at all, but your comments made me want to carry on, so thank you so much :) I hope you enjoy

_ For almost as long as I can remember, my life has been governed by the constant need to survive. Find some food, and you will live another day. Find shelter, and you won’t freeze to death in the middle of the night.  _

_ This need, naturally, is accompanied by a suffocating feeling of hopelessness. The knowledge that, at the age of only twelve years old, this will be your life from now on, and there's nothing you can do to change that.  _

_ Until right now, where, magically, an offer of hope is laid before us. I stare at the man in disbelief as he holds out a hand.  _

_ “You say you’re with… SHIELD? And you want us to come with you?” Pietro asks, suspicion clear in his voice. I look closer at the man. While he’s not exactly kind-looking, he doesn’t outwardly look like a threat.  _

_ The man smiles. “Yes. I can offer you a home and a chance to help your country, with just a few small things in return.” He speaks Russian with a thick accent that I can’t place, but I can tell that it is not English or Sokovian. My heart leaps slightly at the mention of ‘home’, but Pietro’s expression hasn’t changed.  _

_ “What things?”  _

_ “Oh, a few medical procedures, nothing bad.” he says lightly. Pietro begins to shake his head and turns away. I grab his arm.  _

_ “Why are you leaving?” I ask, speaking rapidly in Sokovian so that the man can’t understand us.  _

_ “I don’t trust him, Wanda. I don’t trust any of them.”  _

_ I feel my heart rate increase as I feel the chances of a stable future slipping away. The man looks on serenely. _

_ “Can we just give it a try? If we don’t like it we can always leave.” He must see the desperation in my face, because he sighs and nods.  _

_ “Ok. We’ll go with you.” He says to the man, who beams at us.  _

_ “Great! Let’s get started,” He says, holding out his hand. I go to take it, but Pietro grabs hold of my hand instead. I turn to hiss at him to stop being so childish, but his grip is tight. He’s scared too. I squeeze his hand.  _

_ “Thank you for choosing us,” I say to him as he opens the door to a sleek black car. I’ve never even seen a car this expensive up close, let alone sat in one. Pietro takes it all in, trying to hide his awe, then scrambles into the interior. It almost makes me smile.  _

_ “I know you’ll make us proud, Kroshka.” The diminutive pulls me up short.  _

_ “My name is Wanda and this is Pietro,” I say, trying to sound confident. “What do we call you?”  _

_ “My name is Franz, but you can call me Onkel,” he smiles at us.  _

_ “Onkel?” I hesitate over the unfamiliar word.  _

_ “ _ дядя”  _ he clarifies.  _ Uncle. 

I stare down at the man who had taken our freedom, tricked us into joining their sick, twisted experiments. 

Of course.  _ Of course  _ this man had survived everything. While my brother is six feet under, bullets riddling his body, this man is still breathing, smiling up at me as if this is some kind of family reunion. 

No. This isn’t right. My head is pounding. It’s impossible to think straight. All I can do is stare at him in horror. 

“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?” my un- he asks. 

Reason flies out the window. My fury increases tenfold as I use my powers to shove him away. He hits a nearby tree with an audible crack and crashes to the floor. I stalk towards him. He slowly gets to his feet, his smug smile gone. 

“Wanda-” 

“Why are you here?” I demand. I let my powers increase, snaking around my hand. 

“I should be asking you that question, Wanda,” he replies, his voice calm again. It makes me shudder, and he sees. It seems to give him confidence. “What are you doing with the Avengers? I thought you were trying to do the right thing, make the world a better place. Yet here you are, on the same team as Stark.” 

“I  _ am  _ doing the right thing,” I say, raising my glowing hands threateningl, "You betrayed us." 

But I have no idea what to do now. I can sense the rest of the team watching our every move, watching to see what I do next. I realise that I have completely ruined our stealth mission. I also realise that I don’t care. 

“Really? The Avengers told you to come after me, told you to be violent? Or are you disobeying orders again? I suppose even now you are incapable of doing as you’re told.” 

“Be quiet,” I grit out.

“I can help you, Wanda,” his voice is soothing. I want him to stop saying my name like that, so familiar. “Are you going to let the Avengers hold you back? Do they know what you’re capable of? Do you?”

“What are you saying?” I demand. 

“I can help you,” He repeats. “I know how to help you reach your potential.” 

I lower my shaking hands slightly. No. The Avengers are not my enemy. Hydra is. But I need to know why he’s here. I remember what Natasha taught me, how to gather information. I need to pretend to be on his side. 

“How did you know I was going to be here?” I say as a distraction. I try to stop my voice from shaking, but I realise that I need to make him think that I am weaker than I am. 

He is saying something, but I’m not focusing on it. I turn my attention fully to my powers, letting them reach out towards him. 

I relax my expression slightly- I even manage to let out a faint smile- letting him think that I am hesitating, then dive into his head. 

Ten seconds later, I have everything I need to know. He had no intention of helping me. He never had. He just wants to own me again, to make me into a weapon, like Strucker, like Ultron. I even manage to find some extra information, which I file away for now. It isn’t important right now. The only coherent thought that registers is: I am going to kill him for what he’s done. 

I am going to  _ kill  _ him. 

I let my powers lash out, and then there is screaming. I don’t know if it’s mine or his. It might be both. My vision blurs, going blood-red as I yank the air out of his lungs and watch him as he chokes to death. 

Suddenly, someone is there, standing in front of me.

“Wanda, stop.” Steve says. He holds his shield out in front of him protectively, as if that would do anything against my power. No, I don't have to do anything he says. I shove Steve out the way as if he weighs nothing and continue my attack. 

Vaguely, I register the fact that we are now swarmed with Hydra agents. Our cover was blown- or rather, I blew our cover. The Avengers will be forced into combat now, unprepared. No matter. I can kill the other Hydra agents too. 

Someone else is trying to hold me back, and I use my powers to shove back again. In front of me, I see a flash of red hair, then nothing. I am alone. 

My uncle looks at me pleadingly. I stare back into his eyes as he dies. 

One down. 

***

When I come back to myself, I am on the forest floor, my back against the tree. My vision comes back into focus, but there is still a haze of red. 

Slowly, I begin to take in my surroundings. 

Oh, God. 

There are bodies everywhere. People who are no longer breathing because of me. Did I do all of this? I can’t remember.

I don’t even try to stop the tears that begin to flow. I did this. I’ve gone way too far this time. 

There is a presence next to me. I tense up but don't move. They can do whatever they want. I am too numb to care. 

“Wanda?” It’s Natasha. She is crouched next to me. I turn to look at her. A streak of blood runs down the side of her face and my blood runs cold as I remember. I did that to her. 

She reaches a hand towards my shoulder tentatively. She is scared of me- of course she is. I shift away from her, not trusting myself around anyone yet. 

“Wanda, it’s OK.” I am shaking again. The sun is still glaring down at us, but I feel chilled to the bone. I think I might be going into shock. 

Behind Natasha the other Avengers are gathered. Their expressions range from apprehension to concern. Steve has a black eye. 

I turn my face away and stare down at the ground. A brightly coloured insect inches it’s way across the forest floor, and I track it’s progress hazily. 

Natasha makes another attempt to reach out to me, and this time I let her. I am too tired to fight anymore. She puts her arms around me and I continue to stare at the ground. The insect is suddenly snatched up by another, larger bug. I blink but don’t alter my gaze. 

“I think she’s in shock,” I hear Natasha say softly to the others. 

“I would be too, if I’d just gone one a murder spree-” 

“Tony, be quiet.” I think that is Steve interrupting. 

“What? Is that not what happened?”

“They’re Nazis, are any of us going to pretend to care that they’re dead?” 

“No, Wilson, but that’s not the point- we were here for intel, not assasssination! Now what do we-” 

“Can you be quiet? We can finish this conversation later,” Natasha says, her tone allowing no further discussion. She turns back to me. 

“Come on, let’s go,” she says gently, helping me to stand up. 

There are so many things I need to tell her. I have to tell her that I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to, that I lost control. But all I manage to say is: “I need to help clear the bodies.” My voice sounds strangely calm, monotone. 

Her grip around my shoulders tightens, as if she’s worried that I’ll try to run back. “Don’t worry about that.” 

“No, no, I need to, I have to-” I twist around, trying to see what’s happening, but she keeps her tight grip and pushes me forward gently. We reach the Quinjet and she ushers me inside. 

Natasha sits me down on one of the seats then grabs a bottle of water, insisting that I drink. I oblige, too numb to protest. 

She sits next to me and puts her arm around me, maneuvering my head onto her shoulder and pushing my hair away from my face. I know that I shouldn’t be letting her do this for me, not after I hurt her and ruined everything, but a wave of exhaustion hits me and I can’t stop my eyes from closing. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, another chapter less than a week later. No one is more shocked than I am. I've never been so motivated to write after the Wandavision finale (it was perfect) I hope you enjoy and thank you to everyone who comments - it makes my day :D

The tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Sam had suggested that we hold this debriefing in the living area so we could all feel more comfortable. Now we are all sat in a tense silence- but on very comfortable sofas. Vision isn’t here- apparently there was something he had to do. I am surprised by how much I wish he  _ was  _ here. Something about his presence makes me feel reassured. 

Natasha sits next to me, leaning back with her feet on the coffee table. She seems relaxed, but I can tell that she is on high alert. The other Avengers are dotted around, trying to seem casual. No one is fooling anyone. I am hunched over on the sofa, my forearms resting on my knees, my hands clasped under my chin. 

Natasha had insisted that we hold off this meeting until the next day. I had been too exhausted to really know what was going on, but I’m not sure I would have protested if I had known. In truth, I’m scared. My heart is hammering now as I wait for the interrogation- sorry, the meeting- to begin. 

“OK, I’ll start.” Tony says after a long pause. “Do you want to tell me what all that was about, Maximoff?” 

“Whoa,” Natasha says, sitting up. 

“No, no, it’s OK,” I say. I sit up straight, fold my hands in my lap and take a deep breath. “I-I don’t really know what happened. I think I lost control.” 

“I’m sorry, Wanda, but you’re going to have to give us more than that.” Steve says, not unkindly, but there is an edge to his voice that tells me that this is not going to be taken lightly. “Why don’t we start with who that man was.” 

I hold back the urge to say ‘my uncle’. I don’t think they would understand. “His name is- was- Franz Stolz. He…he recruited us into Shield- I mean Hydra. He told us he was going to help us.” 

Tony’s face softens a little as I speak. I haven’t shared many details of my time before I met them, before Hydra, but they had warmed to me considerably in the first week since Ultron when they realised that I hadn’t knowingly volunteered for Hydra. 

“I don’t really know what happened. I got really angry and then there were bodies everywhere.” I wince at how childish I sound, but I don’t know what else to say. 

“You don’t remember?” Sam asks, frowning.

“Not really. It is,” I struggle for the word in English, at the worst possible time. I try to push down the panic. “It is… uh…” 

“Hazy?” Natasha suggests. 

“Yes! Hazy,” I say, relieved. I need to stop panicking. They already think I’m an insane killer. No need to make it worse by being incapable of holding a rational conversation. “I lost control. I’m sorry.”

There is another silence. No one seems to know what to say, least of all me. I chew on my thumbnail as I wait for someone to say something. 

“Wanda, I know you didn’t mean to, but this was…” Steve trails off. 

_ Inhuman.  _ The word makes its way into my mind before I can stop it- his thoughts are too loud. 

“I know,” I say softly- and I do. What I did  _ was  _ inhuman, monstrous. I also know that I have no chance of becoming an Avenger now. Both missions I went on were disastrous, but this one crossed a line. 

“So what now?” Tony asks. 

“What do you mean?” Natasha shoots back swiftly. She is ready to defend me. Despite the situation, it makes me slightly warm inside. But there’s no defending this. 

“Hey, I don’t mean it like that, Widow, I just mean that we’re no closer to finding out what Hydra was up to than we were weeks ago. We can’t just give up.” 

Oh. Of course. Something surfaces in my mind, something I had stored a way, almost like a memory. A wave as nausea hits me as I remember what I had managed to glean from the Hydra agent’s mind. 

“Um,” I say, silencing the beginning of an argument between Natasha and Tony. “When I- um, when I used my power on Stolz,” I wince, remembering that I had promised to never use my powers on someone else’s mind unless it was necessary. I don’t think this was necessary. “I found out why they were holding the meeting. They were going to try to re-start the experiments. They wanted the Avengers to come so that they could get me back.” 

Everyone stares at me. 

“You’re sure about this?” Sam asks. I nod. There was no mistaking the graphic images that burned into my mind, the clear plans that Stolz had for me and for the other victims he managed to find to use for his sick experiments. 

“Well, shit,” Tony says after a pause, “I thought we were done with that after Strucker.” 

“I think this is far from over,” Steve replies. “Just because these agents are dead, doesn’t mean that there aren’t more waiting. Cut off one head, two more take its place, right?” 

Right. Back to the initial point. I just killed over twenty people. The consequences are not going to be light. I decide to just bite the bullet. 

“So, what are you going to do with me?” I ask, trying not to let my voice shake too much. Natasha puts her hand on my shoulder in reassurance but says nothing, looking over to Steve, as do the other Avengers. Clearly it is his call. 

Steve sighs. “Wanda, I think we put a lot of pressure on you, sending you on this mission. You’ve barely been away from Hydra for four months and you’re still recovering from the last mission. I don’t blame you for what happened yesterday, none of us do, but this can’t happen again. I don’t think we should send you on any more missions until you turn eighteen, to give you time to work on your powers.” 

All I can do is nod in silence. I haven’t been kicked out, just benched. It’s better than I had the right to hope for, but I still feel my heart sink as I realise that it will be at least eight months before I will be able to do anything to right the wrongs I’ve caused. 

Steve clears his throat. “We need to figure out what we’re doing next,” he says briskly, changing the subject. “Wanda, you still look exhausted from yesterday. Maybe you could catch up on some sleep?”

I am aware that I have effectively just been sent to my room, but I can’t help feeling glad for the chance to leave. I need to get out of here. I nod again and leave the room, while the Avengers get to work. 

I make my way to my room, barely registering my surroundings, and collapse onto my bed. I make it all of thirty seconds before I begin to cry. 

***

“Wanda, are you awake?” It’s Natasha. 

I stop what I have been doing for the past thirty minutes- staring at the ceiling- and open the door. Natasha doesn’t wait for me to say anything and walks straight in, sitting on my bed. I sit next to her. 

“Are you OK?” she asks. I nod for what feels like the hundredth time today. 

“Nat, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t-” 

“I know,” she says simply, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and pulling me in. We sit in silence for a few minutes, my head resting on her shoulder. 

“What do I do now?” I blurt out. The question I had wanted to ask before but hadn’t had the courage. 

“What do you want to do?” Natasha’s question pulls me up short, I raise my head off of her shoulder to look at her.

“What do you mean?” 

“Exactly what I just said- what do  _ you  _ want to do? You’ll be training with me, of course, and you’ll have your schoolwork, but what you do now is up to you. Is there anything you want to try? A sport maybe, or music? Do you want to go to high school?”

“No!” I say, quickly. “Sorry, I mean, no, I don’t think I could do it.”

“That’s fine, online school works too. But as I said, it’s up to you.”

“But what about Hydra? They’re not going to stop now.” 

“Don’t worry about Hydra, we can handle it.” I’m still not convinced. Natasha brushes my hair away from my face gently. “Wanda, you need to let yourself be a kid. Let us deal with Hydra, OK?” 

“OK,” I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, one that I hadn’t even noticed I was carrying. “You know, I’ve always wanted to learn to swim.” 

Natasha smiles at me. “Let’s start there.” 

***

“Are you sure about this?” My teeth are chattering as I stand waist deep at the edge of the lake. 

Natasha rolls her eyes. “You’ll be fine. You know what to do.” 

I wade further into the water until my feet are barely touching the ground. She is only a few metres away from me, but to me she may as well be miles away. 

“Just swim towards me,” she calls out. I look at her doubtfully. “I’m not gonna let you drown.”  _ I know you won’t.  _

I take a deep breath, then take the plunge. For a few terrifying moments, I am submerged in water, and I flail, trying to stay afloat, resisting the urge to call out to Natasha. I kick my legs out, then, suddenly, I am swimming. I slowly make my way over to Natasha. 

I reach her, and she grabs hold of me while I catch my breath. “Nat, did you see that? I actually did it!” 

She practically beams at me. I think this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her. “You did it! Do you want to go out any further? This time a little faster than a crawl?” 

I use my powers to splash her gently. 

“Hey! That’s cheating,” she laughs, splashing me back. I giggle and put my hand out to cover my face. “I take it this means you’re ready to keep going?” 

“I’m ready.” 


End file.
